Clopin (Gaston), rewritten by Marcelle.
Originally written by Alan Menken & Howard Ashman, 1991.

who do they think i am?
those girls love the right man
no one says no to Clopin
darn right!
kissed, revered, publicly first-rated
why it's more than i can bear
more beer?
what for, nothing helps
i'm a showcase
who you? Always!
Clopin, you've got to pull yourself together
gosh it disturbs me to see you Clopin
looking so down in the dumps
every guy here'd love to be you, Clopin
even when taking your lumps
there's no man in town as admired as you
you're everyone's favorite guy
everyone's awed & inspired by you
& it's not very hard to see why
no one's slick as Clopin
no one's quick as Clopin
no one's neck's as incredibly licked as Clopin's (hehe)
for there's no man in town half as manly
perfect, a pure don juan
you can ask any tom, dick, or stanley
& they'll tell you who's team they'd prefer to be on
no one's thin like Clopin
a kingpin like Clopin
no one's got a swell beard on his chin like Clopin
as a specimen, yes, i'm intimidating
My, what a guy that Clopin
Give 5 hurrahs! Give 12 hip-hips!
Clopin is the best & the rest is all drips
No one sings like Clopin
there's no king but Clopin
on a bed nobody bounces springs like Clopin (hehe)
For there's no one as skinny & scrawny
as you see, girls love my dashing grin
not a bit of him's burly or brawny
that's right! & every last inch of me's covered in skin!
no one walks like Clopin
no one talks like Clopin
in a stalking match no one stalks like Clopin
i'm especially good at following people
10 points for Clopin!
when I was a lad i ate nothing but air
every morning so i simply starved
& now that i'm grown
i eat even less food
so i'm roughly the size of a stick
no one chews like Clopin
no one screws like Clopin (hehe)
Then goes tromping around wearing shoes like Clopin
I use puppets in all of my decorating!
say it again
who's a man among men?
& then say it once more
Who's the hero next door?
who's a super sucess?
don't you know
can't you guess
Ask his fans & loyal CSG's
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down
& his name's C-L-O-P